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Wedding Do’s and Don’t’s
When planning a dance for an upcoming wedding there are many factors th at need to be addressed. In the 30+ years I've danced, competed, performed, choreographed and taught I've seen countless teachers massacre wedding dance choreography. I recently put together a wedding dance for a wonderful local couple and it made me realize I could focus a little attention on the subject and help out any wedding couples or planners with information on what you should and should not do.
What you should do is:
Talk with the couple and determine the following:
- When is the date (usually it is pretty near in the future)
- Where is the ceremony? Is it in a large ballroom with a large floor, or is it like my recent couple Amy and Max an outdoor wedding in Tucson AZ with a tiny triangular dance floor. The location tells you many things. It tells you that you might have to limit the movement in the patterns you teach, it tells you the intimacy of the room and therefore the size of the gestures the couple should make.
- Where will the tables be placed? Around the entire dance floor or on one or two sides only. Also where is the dance floor in relation to where the bride and groom will sit. This information tells you whether the tricks you place in the mix should face a certain direction or whether they can face anywhere in the room. The location of bride and groom tells you whether they need to be preset before the announcement of the dance, or whether they can enter the floor from where they are.
- What will the bride wear? This is one of the most overlooked and most important of all the questions. If the bride will wear a traditional type gown with a bustle and train (even if the train buttons up to be smaller) great care needs to be taken to teach both her and the groom how to avoid stepping on it or letting the dress get between his legs. When possible, the underskirt of these gowns should be worn in lessons and rehearsals so that they can immediately get a feel for what needs to be done to work around it and not have a huge rip or tear on the day of the performance. If the bride is wearing a trumpet type gown or one that is going to limit her leg stride or look terrible if she keeps overstepping and stretching the dress every time she walks, then the dance steps need to be adjusted so that the couple take very small steps. Again it is recommended that she wear a similar type skirt to all rehearsals and lessons to get used to not straining the fabric and looking comfortable on the day.
- What shoes will the bride and groom wear? If the shoes are new and purchased to be worn at the wedding, the couple may not want to wear them in advance, especially white shoes. This is a huge mistake and several problems can occur. New shoes tend to be very slippery and with no abrasions on the bottom of the shoe, there is a good chance that someone will slip and fall. Also if the groom's shoes are of a different style he may not be used to extra length or width of the shoes and could easily step on the bride's feet. He must be used to the shoes. I know all you brides don't want to dirty your shoes but this is important and there is a solution. Take painters tape or masking tape and cover the entire top of your shoes. Leave the soles untaped as we need to wear in the shoes. The tape will protect your shoes from dirt and being stepped on (which inevitably happens at least once). Once you are finished with rehearsals, simply remove the tape and the shoes are as good as new. Make sure you use a tape that is not intended to leave behind residue. Do not use duct tape or one of the stronger tapes.
- Will there be a DJ, or a live band or just someone throwing in a CD? This is important. The music will set the mood for the whole thing and live music sounds completely different than music from a CD. If there is to be a live performance of the wedding couple's song, request that they get together at a band rehearsal and cut a recording of your song that they will give to you to take to lessons and your rehearsals. If they don't do this or seem unwilling to do so, this is not a good sign. If you are sure they are a good band and you really want them still, then make sure either they or the wedding venue supplies a CD player and amplification and have your wedding song played from a CD. If you go to the dance floor and have never heard the band play your song before it is doubtful that you will be able to recognize your tune and it will be very difficult for the leader to find the beat. This can be disastrous. Better to have the music played from the CD and be familiar with it. If there is a DJ, make sure he knows whether to wait till the couple take the floor or whether they will enter to the music. Where possible, I request the the groom or bride visibly cue the DJ when the couple is ready.
The Dance should not be a choreographed step by step routine that requires exact placement with the music. There are too many reasons why this could go wrong. I like to give the couple several patterns as well as prom dancing (arms around each other swaying side to side) I call this the default. If either of them get confused or mess up a step, wrap their arms around each other and prom dance. When they get their bearings, begin using the patterns again.
At the very first lesson I begin by putting on the music and asking the couple to imagine it's the day and that they have to dance now. I watch them closely and see what they naturally do. It is usually quite confused but there are clues in there as to the couple's natural tendencies. If they seem to move well but not on the music I know what I need to work on most. If they are right on the beat but don't seem coordinated or don't move together then this tells me immediately what to focus on. There is usually so little time to put these dances together so it is important to know the strengths of the couple and work to their strengths, simultaneously addressing their weaknesses giving them balance.
Each lesson I give the couple as many patterns as I feel they can handle and ask them to dance for me many times on each lesson. They are putting the routine together for me right in front of my eyes. I let the leader use the patterns they naturally fall into. I review all the patterns taught and then ask them to perform again. It is so important that they be made to do it over and over again even without all the steps in their muscle memory. It makes them think about the day and get prepared so that the day of the wedding it is just one more time, and not a huge surprise to them. I usually use chairs to cordon off the dance floor size and ask them to use all of it or to at least realize where their friends and family will be.
The patterns I use are simple and not difficult to achieve. We don't want this dance to be a big "Tada" showy number. What we are looking for is a couple that is in love and we want to show them focusing on one another and moving comfortable, allowing those watching to get teary eyed and feel the romance in the room. If the audience sees the couple struggling or thinking or messing up patterns, it immediately takes them out of the mood. We want a couple in love doing very simple romantic movement showing the world their love.
It never fails that I get couples who want to really put on a show. I talk to them and explain to them what a wedding dance should be about and they usually agree with me. If they don't, I give them what they want. This is very rare. I usually can convince them that if they want a real showy number that it is more appropriate to do this on their first wedding anniversary. It also gives them an entire year to study and learn and acquire the skills that it takes to put together a big showy performance.
If you have any questions please contact me and I'll be happy to help you achieve success on one of the most important days of your life!
--Tom Slater
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